"Hey Cutie" Update

Ok.

So here is the deal.  I am ashamed to admit this but the "spontaneous" idea I had was a complete failure and here's why - I have no fuckin' clue what I am doing.  The text messaging technique is lame. How do you get anywhere in a conversation if you can't even see what you are really working with? How the hell do I know what he is thinking? At least when you are having a conversation face-to-face I can tell within 2 minutes if someone is really worth my time. You don't think I'm funny? You don't want to laugh at my jokes?  Then fuck off. Simple as that. He could have been taking a shit the whole time we were texting and I wouldn't have even know.  My pop was right, if a boy is really interested, he will call you, not text you.  There is a little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe he is just shy and will grow some balls and call me...

Second spontaneous attempt at landing a man... in the grocery store by playing the helpless tiny girl that needs a big strong man to help carry the groceries out to the car.

Setting: Albertons grocery store (back parking lot -- need some distance to make conversation on the way out).
Day: Sunday, mid-afternoon (when all the sexy men are out shopping, probably for another special someone:(...or looking for me!!!).

So, I walk in the store, with one thing on my mind.  Finding a man.  I aimlessly walk the aisles trying to find the few things I actually need (but I know where everything is in the store because that's all I ever really do with my time)... yeah, anyway.

There were a few employees I found cute, but had to pass on for 2 reasons: braces and acne.  I need to at least try hit on someone my own age.

I keep walking, applying lip gloss twirling my greasy hair and then see the most beautiful bag boy ever at register 2.  BINGO BABY...

So I rush in line-cutting off some old bitch who gave me a dirty look for being able to walk faster than her... and then it happened - eye contact! The old man rings up my shit and I kindly ask the sexy bagger to place all of my items in 2 bags using paper and plastic, colds in one bag, dry goods in the other.  Not too much to ask of a tall strong sexy bagger right? Wrong.

As I was talking to the cashier who, by the way, based off his army pictures from WWII (it was hanging up at his register) was quite the stud, the sexy bagger fucks it up.  Next thing I know I have 4 PLASTIC bags full of groceries (mixing the cold and dry items)!!!  He was lucky he was helping me out to my car and I was on a mission, that I let those small details go.  If I weren't working it, I would have unpacked all of the bags right there on the counter, holding the line up, cursing, trying to tell this dumb fuck how to listen and pack bags correctly!  Asshole.

This is how it ended; the sexy bagger walks me to the door (not to my car) and proceeds to try and balance these bags in my hands so that he can go whack off in the bathroom somewhere. I try one more thing - the old "mistakenly" dropping an item pretending that I can't pick it up. I nonchalantly drop my receipt and a graduation card I had gotten for my cousin (this is all in slow motion in my mind) I drop it, I slowly look at the piece of paper drop from my fragile hands, lost to the wind, flying by couples with annoying babies. Then, it stops, in between the entrance and the parking lot.  I wait, looking flustered and in despair, waiting for my prince in uniform to save the day.

I wait, wait, and wait...

...and a car drives by running over my receipt and $1.99 graduation card.

My reaction? Pure rage. I stomp all the way back to my car, throw my groceries in the back seat, slamming all the doors, get in my car and just stare at my now useless card laying helplessly in the middle of the street. My eyes filling with tears, I reach for a piece of a peanut putter snickers bar I had just bought 15 minutes earlier at the gas station, and its fuckin' melted all over my car (and now my hands and clean cloths).

I fucking hate the Arizona summers.